Attachment can be described as a relationship lens. There are four main styles that develop in childhood but change throughout our lifetime. Healing attachment wounds can happen in adulthood through healthy relationships and therapy. The goal of attachment therapy is to feel what healthy – secure is like so that we can better recognize it in our lives.
Secure attachment is that warm fuzzy feeling we get when we feel seen, heard and felt by another person or animal. When doing an attachment quiz keep in mind that this is one moment in time and that our styles exist on a spectrum and they change.
How do you work with each style?
If you find you have more of a disorganized style this highlights the need for you to feel safe (disorganized style usually develops when there was violence in the previous relationships or the caregiver was scary or scared).
An anxious attachment style focuses on being able to feel your sense of self, identifying your own needs and wants in a relationship. This style develops when there is an over-focus on other peoples needs.
The avoidant attachment person appears as though they are fine alone but actually experience as much distress as the anxious style. They believe that other people cannot meet their needs and the focus in therapy is feeling the benefit of human connection.
Take Diane Poole Heller’s Attachment Styles Test to see where your style may align.
Once you learn about your own style try reading the audiobook by Diane Poole Heller, Healing Your Attachment Wounds.